The Singing Cactus

Hi all,

I got behind with my posts.  I didn’t get into the Christmas singing group.  I never know exactly what voice these groups are looking for.  My singing gig went great and the lady, Linda, was absolutely thrilled and all the guests loved my performance.  That made me so happy.

Some people in my past have accused me of not being able to sing in tune.  It was actually because I hold tension in my face and throat causing my vocal chords to tense and stretch, which leads to not getting the right note.  Most people know better than to tell me I can’t sing in tune.  Once upon a time in high school I was in the liturgy band, which performed at school mass.  I decided to do cantoring for the first time in my life and there was a special class for it.  I had never soloed before so I would get so nervous that hardly any sound would come out.  The teachers in charge of the lit band treated me as a potential embarrassment and one of them told me not to mess up the song one day.  After that year, they had cantoring be audition-only and I missed the sign-up so I couldn’t cantor the following year.  The next year I made the sign-ups and auditioned.  I didn’t make the cut, which was preposterous as I’d done it before.  The cantor list was on one of the teacher-leader’s doors and while I was reading it he was coming into his office.  I wanted a good explanation and he started into a pseudo-apology speech about how I had a beautiful voice but couldn’t sing in tune.  I didn’t buy it and said I had to go.  He was obviously forced to use the people the choir teacher liked and I was the only person who wanted to cantor that wasn’t in choir at the time.  I had to teach myself that just because someone says that I don’t have the ability to do something, doesn’t mean they are right.

I auditioned for a murder mystery company but I didn’t get cast in their first show of the year.  I had two auditions that were laughable.  I auditioned for this one student film, by myself, and it took about an hour.  The director thoroughly went through and acted out the entire movie.  I was reading for a middle-aged boss who was originally supposed to be played by a man.  I’m far from that age and don’t even look the age I am.  He told me to go see Love and Basketball and Miss Congeniality to get a sense of the part and audition again the next week.  The school is far out and that’s just plain silly so I said I couldn’t.  The other one was for an independently-produced children’s musical.  The audition consisted of going to the writer-producer’s apartment and reading through the script.  Rehearsals were going to be at his apartment and then at a hotel.  The director and him didn’t really know what they were doing and the script had glaring typos.  They loved me and badly wanted me to play a British dog but I saw red lights flashing before my eyes and had to run away from that production.  The writer-producer’s defense was that you have to start somewhere and I said, “I’ve already started.”  You have to be careful not to do projects with people less capable than you are.

I don’t know if I’ll be getting a callback from the Equity theatres this season.  I wonder if it’s my acting or my look or something.  I will be meeting with a major casting director sometime this coming week.  I am so excited!

I’ve gotten some more assignments from the school districts.  The reference went through at that one district and I got my first substitute teacher assignment ever.  I can’t give specific details but it was one of the worst days of my life.  It was worse than a migraine and wiped me out for way longer.  I found a posting for a long-term drama substitute teacher assignment at a high school and I put my hat in for the position.  That should actually be fun as drama is what I do best and the students will want to be there since it’s a fun class.

I want the good life.


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